Chicken of the Sea is 100 this year

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In 1914, “a small California company called Van Camp launched…and started canning fish, particularly tuna, for sale in markets far from the sea. Tuna was quite exotic then, and it wasn’t easy to convince people to eat the stuff. But eventually the company hit on the idea of connecting tuna to a far more popular food: chicken. And Chicken of the Sea was born.” – fooddive.com

Without this fish company and their too-clever-for-some marketing campaign, Jessica Simpson would have never created one of the best reality TV moments.

Happy birthday, canned tuna.

Other things are 100 this year too.

This is where I left you…

I’m back! I took an extended summer vacation to build slideshows of hot dogs, but I decided to give that a rest and do something more meaningful like talk about a movie I saw yesterday.

this-is-where-i-leave-you-trailer

I wanted to see “This is Where I Leave You” for two reasons:

1. I started reading the book, but then I burned it so I never found out what happened (I didn’t join a Bible cult, it was an accident).

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I could have used context clues to guess what happened in the corners of the pages but why do that when I could pull the classic “watch the movie instead” move.

2. Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Jane Fonda and the guy from “Girls” sounded like a promising cast. I was wrong.

Since I only read half the book I can’t say whether the movie does it justice, but if it does I’m glad my scented candle took a bite out of it. This movie was BLAND.

The plot is simple: Jason Bateman’s wife cheats on him and his life is falling apart. Then his dad dies and his whole dysfunctional family has to sit Shiva at mom’s house. All their problems come to the surface and they reconnect as siblings, how sweet. It’s simple, but has potential especially with a good cast.

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The classic staring-at-a-cake scene. At least in the book he throws it when he catches his wife and his boss in bed together…way less boring.

I don’t know if it’s the director’s fault, or the author’s fault for attempting to write his own screenplay, but it feels like someone had a checklist of “how to make a movie funny and heartfelt.” It was just completely unoriginal – you know those scenes where everyone is arguing and talking over each other until it just becomes noise and then the sound starts to fade away and the main character is left in quiet reflection? That happened like 80 times.

And how do you make Tina Fey unfunny? She was totally annoying, boring and completely unlikable in this movie. In fact, everyone was unfunny; every joke falls flat. The only remotely funny part is Jane Fonda’s massive boobs. (Of course, I should tell that to the woman sitting two rows down from me who clearly does not get out much because she could not contain her laughter….so some people will like this).

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Rose Byrn plays Jason Bateman’s figure-skating love interest, and her character is super weird and makes no sense.

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Some guy who I thought was Eric Camden from Seventh Heaven, but is actually just no one, plays a brain-injured neighbor who Tina Fey used to date – and that’s awkward.

Why do I know this man?

Why do I know this man?

Even Dax Shepard is half sedated the whole movie – although the one time I actually laughed out loud was when he tells Tina Fey she’s too old to rock a middle part. And speaking of, the women in this movie were way too perfectly coiffed for it to be believable that they’re living out of a suitcase at their mom’s house for seven days.

Dad's dead. That's no excuse to leave the curling iron at home.

Dad’s dead. That’s no excuse to leave the curling iron at home.

Despite being annoyed by his giant face and body, the only person I enjoyed in this movie was Adam Driver from “Girls.” He’s the only one who brings something original and plays around with the delivery of his lines (I mean that could just be a result of his weird voice, but still). But even his acting couldn’t save some of his scenes from being forced – like when he drives up to the funeral blasting DMX or something else so obviously inappropriate.

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Basically I walked out of the theater and instantly forgot I just watched a movie. I recommend waiting for it to air on HBO…or read the book and let me know what happens in the inner corners.

Happy Birthday Mean Girls!

Even the president quotes Mean Girls

Even the president quotes Mean Girls

“Mean Girls” turns 10 today, and there really isn’t much to say except I feel super old and gross.

It feels like it was just yesterday the world’s eyes were collectively opened to Tina Fey’s genius, Rachel McAdams’ bad wig and Lindsay Lohan’s only notable work post “Parent Trap.”

But then at the same time, I can’t remember far back enough to imagine a time when no one knew who invented the Toaster Strudel or how to not be a regular mom. I just have a lot of feelings about this birthday.

tumblr_inline_n36i1sLlzm1r2hgp1Quotable movies from the 2000s

 

Happy Birthday Mid-Day Margarita!

My little marg turns 3 today and officially enters the toddler stage. If she were on Toddlers and Tiaras she would definitely be the one that dressed up as a famous hooker.

But it's still classy because it's Julia Roberts

But it’s still classy because it’s Julia Roberts

And by the time she’s 6, we’ll be looking and living life like this one:

Toddlers & Tiaras Star Isabella Barrett Is a Millionaire at Age 6 - Us Weekly

Toddlers & Tiaras Star Isabella Barrett Is a Millionaire at age 6 – Us Weekly

 

Beyonce watched ‘Bad Teacher’

I got sucked into watching “Bad Teacher” last night on FX because FX has the movies (remember that commercial?). Anyway, during a scene when the dorky kid in class reads a poem to his family, I realized that it’s not just a mediocre Cameron Diaz movie. It’s also the inspiration for a Beyonce song.

Watch as the school loser gives Bey poetic inspiration:

New and revolutionary tips for looking #skinny

We all struggle with unflattering photos that make us look super chub. Until now I thought it was a hopeless cause – we’re all doomed to suffer from photographic arm fat, right? Wrong. The geniuses at Who What Wear have provided us with AMAZING tips for looking thin in photos (thanks to Lady A for alerting me to this). Since they already used the most visually-effective display on their slideshow….

Untitled-1I will use photos of Beyonce to illustrate some of their finer points. Whoever said these photos are “unflattering,” must not have known about the rules because Bey followed them to a T:

Put Your Hand on Your Hip

AMFOOT-NFL-SUPERBOWL-HALTIMEDon’t Tightly Press Your Arms to Your Body

armstobodyKeep Your Chin Up and Out

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Pull Your Shoulders Back

shouldersbackExperiment With Selfies to Find Your Best Angle

bestangleAdd a Filter

Screen shot 2014-04-10 at 1.26.58 PMSlightly Twist Your Body to the Side

???????????????????????????Avoid Bulky Clothing

bey-9Wear Dark Clothing

nobulkI just feel like….was this slideshow an April Fool’s Day joke? Who What Wear was created by former ELLE Magazine editors. I hope an intern did this.