Happy Birthday Mean Girls!

Even the president quotes Mean Girls

Even the president quotes Mean Girls

“Mean Girls” turns 10 today, and there really isn’t much to say except I feel super old and gross.

It feels like it was just yesterday the world’s eyes were collectively opened to Tina Fey’s genius, Rachel McAdams’ bad wig and Lindsay Lohan’s only notable work post “Parent Trap.”

But then at the same time, I can’t remember far back enough to imagine a time when no one knew who invented the Toaster Strudel or how to not be a regular mom. I just have a lot of feelings about this birthday.

tumblr_inline_n36i1sLlzm1r2hgp1Quotable movies from the 2000s

 

Happy Birthday Mid-Day Margarita!

My little marg turns 3 today and officially enters the toddler stage. If she were on Toddlers and Tiaras she would definitely be the one that dressed up as a famous hooker.

But it's still classy because it's Julia Roberts

But it’s still classy because it’s Julia Roberts

And by the time she’s 6, we’ll be looking and living life like this one:

Toddlers & Tiaras Star Isabella Barrett Is a Millionaire at Age 6 - Us Weekly

Toddlers & Tiaras Star Isabella Barrett Is a Millionaire at age 6 – Us Weekly

 

Beyonce watched ‘Bad Teacher’

I got sucked into watching “Bad Teacher” last night on FX because FX has the movies (remember that commercial?). Anyway, during a scene when the dorky kid in class reads a poem to his family, I realized that it’s not just a mediocre Cameron Diaz movie. It’s also the inspiration for a Beyonce song.

Watch as the school loser gives Bey poetic inspiration:

New and revolutionary tips for looking #skinny

We all struggle with unflattering photos that make us look super chub. Until now I thought it was a hopeless cause – we’re all doomed to suffer from photographic arm fat, right? Wrong. The geniuses at Who What Wear have provided us with AMAZING tips for looking thin in photos (thanks to Lady A for alerting me to this). Since they already used the most visually-effective display on their slideshow….

Untitled-1I will use photos of Beyonce to illustrate some of their finer points. Whoever said these photos are “unflattering,” must not have known about the rules because Bey followed them to a T:

Put Your Hand on Your Hip

AMFOOT-NFL-SUPERBOWL-HALTIMEDon’t Tightly Press Your Arms to Your Body

armstobodyKeep Your Chin Up and Out

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Pull Your Shoulders Back

shouldersbackExperiment With Selfies to Find Your Best Angle

bestangleAdd a Filter

Screen shot 2014-04-10 at 1.26.58 PMSlightly Twist Your Body to the Side

???????????????????????????Avoid Bulky Clothing

bey-9Wear Dark Clothing

nobulkI just feel like….was this slideshow an April Fool’s Day joke? Who What Wear was created by former ELLE Magazine editors. I hope an intern did this.

Gaga frolics with Housewives at Hearst Castle

gagaguybirdI know I’m late on this but Lady Gaga’s new video – sorry “ARTPOP film” – is like someone saw into my fever dream. The song is called “G.U.Y,” which stands for “girl under you.” I definitely see this becoming a household acronym.. it’s the next PYT. (Um, April Fool’s).

Anyway, I’m really only bothering to talk about this at all because A. It’s filmed at Hearst Castle, which is my dream home. I’m hoping I can make my way up the corporate ladder and eventually become queen of the castle.

Hearst_Castle_Neptune_Pool_September_2012_003
elle-gaga-9-video-blog

B. the Housewives of Beverly Hills cameo…LOL. The housewives band is both creepy and hilarious. Lisa would never agree to be the tambourine player in real life. She would obviously refuse to be anything less than manager, and then quit to manage Scheana’s pop-stardom.

lady-gaga-rhobh-guy-videoKim and Kyle look super happy with their guitars. They should start a folk band and Paris can play remixes of their song “Grumpy Old Man” in Ibiza.

Untitled-1

Yolanda can obviously play all classical instruments. I wonder if David My Love was asked to play piano but declined because people would be singing along.

I just wish Brandi was in the band instead of witchy woman Carlton, but Lisa probably told her she can’t sit with them.

And then Andy Cohen is Zeus, which is accurate.

lady-gaga-video-01Other thoughts:

The first thing I thought when the video started, was that Kanye already did this. I hate to say anything in Kanye’s favor, but he made a “music video film” that starts with a wounded bird woman way back in 2010. Find your own niche, Gags.

Kanye's bird vs. Gaga's bird

Kanye’s bird vs. Gaga’s bird

Also, I get the “pop art” thing with the reality TV and lyrics about tweets (“Love me, love me. Please retweet”) – but Legos? Do we really need to keep going with this “Legos are so hot right now” thing that’s going on? Legos being a la mode reminds me of when Andy Cohen called out Rachel Zoe for calling sliced bread “un-chic.” He really is playing God and laughing at all of us sipping from his “Mazel” chalice (available at shopbybravo.com).

screen-shot-2014-03-24-at-10-11-33-amAlso, he looks like the sun from Teletubbies all grown up.

ttlBabySunRisingThe one thing I enjoyed: Gaga’s lyrical genius. “Venus, Aphrodite lady, Seashell bikini, garden panty.”

Sweet garden panty, Gaga

Sweet garden panty, Gaga